Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:10] Welcome back to Unshuck Yourself, powered by the Corpus Christi Originals Podcast Network.
[00:00:17] I'm Ben DeLeon, and today's episode is something I needed to talk about.
[00:00:23] If you've listened to the show for a while, you know I usually come at life from a place of problem solving, growth and getting unstuck.
[00:00:33] This episode is different.
[00:00:36] As you know, recently I lost my mother.
[00:00:40] And if you've. If you've ever experienced that, it's hard to explain what actually changes.
[00:00:46] It's not just sadness. It's not just missing someone.
[00:00:52] It's like one of the load bearing walls of your life disappears and suddenly everything feels structurally uncertain.
[00:01:02] You still wake up.
[00:01:03] You still brush your teeth.
[00:01:06] Bills still arrive.
[00:01:08] The world keeps moving like nothing happened.
[00:01:12] But something did happen.
[00:01:14] Something permanent.
[00:01:16] And the strange part is, eventually you have to step back into life.
[00:01:24] Not because you're ready, not because you're healed.
[00:01:28] Because life doesn't offer a pause button.
[00:01:32] So today I want to talk about what it means to come back after losing a parent.
[00:01:41] Nobody warns you that the world will feel off.
[00:01:46] Music sounds different, conversations feel shallow.
[00:01:51] Things that used to matter suddenly don't.
[00:01:55] Things you've never noticed suddenly hit you like a freight train.
[00:01:59] You walk through grocery stores thinking everyone here is just shopping.
[00:02:04] Don't they realize my mom just passed?
[00:02:07] But grief is personal.
[00:02:10] The world didn't lose your parent, you did.
[00:02:13] And that mismatch between your internal reality and the external world can make you feel isolated. Even when you're surrounded by people.
[00:02:26] People will ask kindly, how are you doing?
[00:02:29] And you feel pressured to give a socially acceptable answer.
[00:02:34] Doing okay. Taking a day by day by hanging in there because saying the real answer.
[00:02:41] Part of me is gone and I don't know who I am right now doesn't fit into casual conversation.
[00:02:51] Here's the truth. There is no going back to normal.
[00:02:55] Normal included them.
[00:02:58] What you build now is a new version of normal.
[00:03:01] One that includes absence.
[00:03:04] And that takes time.
[00:03:07] Grief isn't a steady decline. It ambushes.
[00:03:11] You can be fine, functional, even laughing.
[00:03:16] Then a smell, a song, a holiday, a random Tuesday at 2:17pm and suddenly you're not fine at all.
[00:03:28] This doesn't mean you're weak. It doesn't mean you're regressing.
[00:03:32] It means you love someone deeply enough that their absence still echoes.
[00:03:38] Think of it like emotional weather.
[00:03:40] Storms don't ask permission.
[00:03:43] Your job isn't to stop the rain.
[00:03:46] Your job is to learn how to stand in it without drowning.
[00:03:52] When you lose a parent, you don't just lose a Person you lose. The person who knew you longest, the witness to your childhood.
[00:04:03] The safety net you assumed would always exist.
[00:04:07] The role you played in their life.
[00:04:11] Even if your relationship was complicated, it was still foundational.
[00:04:18] You may suddenly feel older, or orphaned or untethered.
[00:04:25] That feeling isn't imaginary.
[00:04:27] Your brain is recalibrating reality.
[00:04:32] Here's the part that can bring guilt.
[00:04:35] Eventually, you will laugh again.
[00:04:40] You will enjoy things again.
[00:04:43] You will have moments where you don't think about them at all.
[00:04:47] And when that happens, part of you might think, am I betraying them?
[00:04:52] You're not.
[00:04:53] Continuing to live is not disloyalty.
[00:04:57] It's the natural outcome of being alive.
[00:05:01] If anything, it's the proof that their love did its job. They helped create someone strong enough to keep going.
[00:05:10] You don't leave them behind. You carry their phrases, their habits, their values, their stories, their lessons, their very DNA.
[00:05:22] Literally and figuratively.
[00:05:26] Sometimes you'll catch yourself doing something and think, that was them.
[00:05:31] And in a strange way, it is.
[00:05:36] The relationship doesn't end, it changes form.
[00:05:41] If you're in this stage right now, here are things that help lower expectations.
[00:05:49] Functioning is enough.
[00:05:51] You don't have to be your peak self.
[00:05:55] Keep simple routines.
[00:05:58] Structure holds you together. When emotions don't let people help, even if it feels awkward, move your body.
[00:06:09] Grief lives in the nervous system, not just in the mind.
[00:06:14] Talk about them.
[00:06:16] Silence can make loss feel like erasure.
[00:06:19] And accept that healing is not linear.
[00:06:24] If you lost a parent, I want you to hear this.
[00:06:28] You are not broken. You are grieving.
[00:06:33] You are not falling behind. You are adapting to a reality you never asked for.
[00:06:38] And you don't just have to get over it.
[00:06:42] You just have to keep going.
[00:06:44] Slowly, imperfectly, honestly.
[00:06:49] Because the goal wasn't returned to who you were before. The goal is to become someone who can carry love and loss at the same time and still build a meaningful life.
[00:07:01] And if you're in that place right now, coming back step by step, you're doing better than you think.
[00:07:08] And you don't come back from losing a parent as the same person. You're not supposed to.
[00:07:15] Grief isn't a detour.
[00:07:18] It leads you back to where you started.
[00:07:21] It's a permanent change in terrain.
[00:07:24] You learn new footing, new balance, new strength.
[00:07:29] Some days you'll feel steady. Some days you won't.
[00:07:33] Both are normal.
[00:07:34] Both are allowed.
[00:07:37] If today was hard, you made it through today. That counts.
[00:07:41] And if today was good, you don't have to apologize for that either.
[00:07:47] The people we lose don't disappear from our lives. They move into us, into the way we think, the way we love, the choices we make, the things we can't tolerate anymore.
[00:08:00] So if you're wondering whether you're doing grief right, here's your answer.
[00:08:06] If you're still here, still trying, still moving forward, even slowly, you are.
[00:08:14] And if nobody has told you this lately, I'm proud of you for continuing.
[00:08:20] This has been Unshock yourself.
[00:08:23] Where we stop pretending life is easy and start getting honest about what it takes to actually live it.
[00:08:30] Take care of yourself, and I'll see you next time.
